Florida is magic- part one.

my grandma drunken slipped yesterday on the way back from her bar and is in the hospital.. i wrote this for her, let's hope her necks not broken.

Florida is magic- part one.

The young egotist returns to the town where she so gleefully left four years ago to pursue her delusions of grandeur.

Enter the young egotist's grandmother, snaggle tooth. Snaggle tooth is the most beautiful woman that anyone has ever seen. Or at least the most beautiful woman the young egotist has seen.

Cigarette in hand of the 305 variety snaggletooth is already wasted off of boxed red wine. Snaggletooth is screeching incoherently, rambling .. she is telling the egotist to submit her cracker to the dog, Cassie May Werner! This is because Snaggletooth's existence revolves around the dog. And it is the house policy that any time anyone in the house eats anything, the dog is to get a share of the food.

Which wouldn't be a big deal except Snaggletooth is ashing her cigarette in the only other food in the house, an unrecognizable stew of sorts.

Snaggletooths other great passions behind the dog include:

Waking up at the ripe hour of five am to play a complicated computer game involving: volcanoes, ping pong and space aliens.

Collecting flea market nick knacks with a reoccurring theme of Native Americans, Wolves, Or things that make amusing noises.

Alcohol.. ranging from at best Milwaukee's best and at worst the boxed red wine.

Snaggle is looking gorgeous these days. At the ripe age of 67 she has accidentally bleached her thinning hair blond, she has a mustache that runs into her nose hair, and her over sized tits swing over her small brown body. Also snaggle lost her dentures, she believe's that CASSIE MAY WERENER (the dog) might have burried them in the yard somewhere.

A can of Milwakees best to whoever can find them.

The egotist knows all about her grandmothers over sized tits, in fact everyone does because nobody can get snaggletooth to put on clothing.

Snaggle is muttering something to herself. She looks at the young egotist and says, "You know, I forgot... but now I remember. I got a titty job. Yep. I used to have itty bittys just like you..! I was one of the first."

The young egotist looks at her itty bittys, and meditates on the fact that they will never hang to her knees like deflated balloons.

The egotist idolizes her grandmother because she knows one day she will be as beautiful as snaggle tooth, she knows that snaggle's beauty lay in her total submission into the world of unbridled insanity, uselessness, counter productivity and obsoleteness.

i love you grandma. tonight i light a joint, listen to stevie nicks and channel every ounce of positive love in your direction.